I have a box full of old, goofy postcards. Every so often I pull one out at random and write a poem about the picture on the card. And you thought your life was boring.

Here's one I pulled out on a Wednesday:



Nice family scene. So I wrote a nice little family poem.

Mommy wears a yellow blouse, daddy wears a tie,
Josh and I wear jammies 'cause it's time for beddie-bye,
"Can we stay up, daddy?" I give him sad eyes, "Please?"
He laughs and tells me, "Sorry squirt" as I bounce upon his knees.
Josh pouts behind daddy's head, trying to look cute,
Mommy laughs and nudges him, "You heard him, kiddos. Scoot."
Josh is in position and his eyes lock into mine,
They had their chance, I nod just once, giving him the sign.
Josh's arms push against the back of daddy's head,
While legs and ankles lock the neck to crush the corotted.
I bring my heel down fast and hard into daddy's sack,
Then knee-drop on his diaphragm, pressing the attack.
Daddy's air comes whooshing out, he tries to talk but squeaks,
He can't break Josh's sleeper hold (we practiced this for weeks)
Mommy finally figures out we're not playing any more.
He cry of fear masks the sound of flapping doggie-door.
"Xerxes," I command our dog and point to mom, "Subdue!"
The rottweiler leaps at mommy's neck as daddy's turning blue.
In moments it's all over, we're staying up tonight,
In the basement mommy and daddy will wake up to their plight,
Duct taped naked on the floor, there they wait for doom,
Think of this next time you send your kids off to their room.

Anyone else who can come up with a stupid poem based on a random picture, feel free to share. Obviously, literary merit isn't an issue.

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what the hell is wrong with you!

lol what a hobby jester.

good read. you should make a childrens book...*thinks about it...thinks about it...* yeah totally. no panty shots.

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jester you scare me every time even more got any more?

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Within the Darkness is Light, With the Light the is Darkness, for one is the other self that makes humans' human.

What, you want the short list?

*tosses the manuscript of Briana's Bubble-Blue Bloomers* Damn, no I gotta start over.

Yes. Which would you prefer: the housewife pledge or the day-glow spaghetti?

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your choice which ever is best

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Within the Darkness is Light, With the Light the is Darkness, for one is the other self that makes humans' human.

I pledge to pay no more for goods than I know I must.
I will submit to my spouse and slake his carnal lust.
I accept no rationed goods without the proper stamps.
I will never waste spoiled food but serve it all to gramps.
I will always keep the checkbook nicely reconciled.
I will never lift my apron to get on Girls Gone Wild.
During football games I'll serve my husband beer and brats
And spoil my many children till they're raging little snots.
I will watch my neighbors for any evidence
That they're a threat to my country's national defense.
And if I see such signs of their nasty treachery
I'll email Michael Chertoff at Homeland Security.
I'll keep no more than seven inches between my pristine knees
And raise my kids on WalMart, God, the Bible, mac and cheese.
I'll do my best to be the perfect patriotic wife
Or failing that I'll stab fat hubby with my Xacto-knife.
I will not eat them in a plane, I will not eat them on a train,
I will not eat them on a boat, I will not eat them with a goat.
I will not eat them Sam I Am, I will not eat green eggs and ham!

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um middle was good but somewhat failed at the end sry jester ...

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Within the Darkness is Light, With the Light the is Darkness, for one is the other self that makes humans' human.

Got somethin' against Seuss? What did your folks read to you as a kid, the want ads? Y'know, I'm still waitin' for someone else to try thier hand at this idiocy. You know it's not like you don't have the time.

I drew this postcard at random out of my collection:



Ewww. This is what I came up with while driving around at work:

Get up early in the morning while your still in your pajamas

Start making marinara that's even better than your mama's

Add oregano and garlic, let it simmer all day long

You'd think that it would save the meal, but sadly friend you're wrong

Grate some parmasan and dump it on like it's confetti

Nothing you can do will salvage day-glow spaghetti.



You can chow on kitty litter or chomp mushrooms from your lawn

Eat five gas station omelets until every bite is gone

You can suck a scoop of Vaseline or slugs or sumac leaves

Or any nasty substance that would give a goat the heaves

Think you've got an iron stomach? Are you confident you're ready?

There's nothing to prepare your gut for day-glow spaghetti.



I knew a kid in second grade, we all called him Freddy

He could have been a NASCAR champ like Mario Andretti

Or a fearsome big game hunter to stalk the Serengeti

Or play guitar and write more songs than someone like Tom Petty

Or cure disease or bring world peace . . . the sad fact is instead he

perished after half a plate of that day-glow spaghetti.

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You amaze me Jester. I like the reference to Seuss though

Good job though, I would like to see more.

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